From the Archives: Originally published in the 2024 Montessori Australia Insights Magazine
How to Get Kids to Listen
By Sylvia Arotin
Educators know how frustrating it can be to try and engage children’s cooperation when most of the time the answer we get is ‘No!’. Repeating yourself in a kind, yet firm manner often yields no response. Multiple failed attempts can lead to losing your cool or giving up, leaving everyone frustrated and the original request unresolved.
Children often use their body and language to exert their need for power. When they lack opportunities to express autonomy positively, they may choose NOT to listen. By implementing the strategies below, you can provide freedom within limits, fostering autonomy and encouraging cooperation.
Know What’s Developmentally Normal
Understanding developmental stages is key. A task that seems simple to an adult may be challenging for a child. Listening and following a request require hearing, processing language, using working memory, and maintaining attention: all skills still developing in young children. Simplify commands to 1, 2 steps and use strategies like offering choices or making tasks into games.
Connect with Them First
Acknowledge and validate the child’s feelings. Engage them in conversation about their current activity to create a sense of connection. This approach encourages participation in dialogue and responsiveness. For example, say, “Look at that tower you are building! When you’re ready, I need to ask you something.”
Enter Their World
Get down to the child’s level and make eye contact to ensure you have their attention. This shows you are engaging with them, not just talking at them. If they are immersed in an activity, join them briefly before making your request.
Empathize & Connect
When a child experiences big emotions, acknowledge and validate their feelings. Empathize with their struggles by sharing similar experiences and using rich emotive vocabulary. This builds their emotional language and helps them feel understood. Sometimes, simply staying calm and offering support is enough: “I’m here if you need me.”
Use Short, Digestible Sentences
Be concise when making requests. Young children can struggle to process lengthy instructions. Instead of, “You need to put your shoes on because everyone is going outside and you need to hurry,” say, “It’s time for shoes. Would you like to put on this one or this one first?”
Don’t Say “Don’t”
Negative commands can be confusing for children. They often focus on the action mentioned, leading to the opposite behavior. Instead of “Don’t run in the classroom,” say, “Use walking feet inside.”
Use a Timer
Visual timers help children understand the concept of time. You might say, “I’m setting the timer for three minutes. When it goes off, we need to give someone else a turn.” Allowing children to set the timer themselves can also engage their cooperation.
Provide Lead-Ups
Without a timer, use simple lead-ups. “When you finish this activity, it is time to wash hands.” Follow up with, “In five more minutes, we are going to wash hands,” and finally, “One more minute until it is time to wash hands. Would you like to wash up by yourself or would you like some help?”
Involve Them in Decision Making
Letting children participate in decision-making helps them feel empowered. Allow them to choose between options like playing inside or outside, wearing a hat or applying sunscreen first, or picking the next activity.
Offer a Choice
Whenever possible, offer choices to reestablish their sense of autonomy. This doesn’t mean your request is ignored: it means they choose how to complete it. For example, “It’s time to get dressed. Would you like to put on your shirt or your pants first?”
Make It a Game
Turning requests into games can foster cooperation. Instead of asking a child to clean up, say, “Can you find the yellow pieces while I find the blue ones?” or, “Let’s see if we can clean up before the timer goes off.” Making tasks fun often leads to better engagement.
By using these strategies, educators can create a more cooperative and harmonious classroom environment, fostering a sense of autonomy and mutual respect.
About Sylvia Arotin
Founder of Guide & Grow | Director of My Montessori
Sylvia Arotin is an award-winning international speaker, educator, and a globally-recognised expert in Montessori education. As the founder and CEO of Guide & Grow and the Director of My Montessori school in Sydney, Sylvia has dedicated her life to bridging the gap between Montessori in the classroom and at home.
With a Masters in Teaching (Early Childhood) from Macquarie University and international Montessori qualifications for ages 0-6, her work focuses on conscious communication and guiding children’s behavior with respect. Recently named the 2025 Woman of the Year at the Women Changing the World Awards, Sylvia continues to inspire a global community of over 420,000 caregivers to raise a mindful, compassionate, and independent future generation.
